Returning to Work, Part IV: The Trial Run

It's confirmed I go back tomorrow. Not for a full-full day, but a rather full day.

We've decided that I'll still feed G when I'm home (night, morning) but give her bottles (obviously) while J is here taking care of her and probably at dinnertime too. Right now her eats are all mom-generated; we'll start the formula introduction this weekend. But this way she'll still have the breastfeeding benefits as long as possible; I'll draw it out as long as it lasts.

Tomorrow will be the tricky day with work, as Thursdays and Fridays I work from home in the afternoons to do the preschool shuttle.

So G did a weird thing this morning, wanting to eat only 1 1/2 hours (not even, really) after her morning feeding. I should also add she slept 8 hours last night! Woo hoo. And she did the same thing last night...wanting almost a double-feeding prior to bedtime. So maybe this is a ramp-up to wanting a longer night's sleep. Heck, I'll try if she does.

So after the hunger mania this morning, I took off for the mall, to leave J in charge of the munchkins. (J is our nanny if you've missed my earlier posts. She is great. We are very much on the same page, and it is not her that I worry about.) I got all my errands done in record time, of course, and lasted a good hour and a half until I checked in to see how everyone was doing. No stress, everything was great. So I ran some more errands.

Why does it seem that errands multiply exponentially during the spring? Is it life's way of getting you out of the house? Or is it all the preschool birthdays? C and I refer to this as "the birthday season."

I got home and J was just about to feed G. I let her do so and hung back, attempting to get my own body on a schedule that will coincide a little better with work hours. I am about to burst. (That's as graphic as I'll get here.)

J asked me to keep an eye (on my own child...I know, that sounds odd) on G while she did some wash for the kids. Already getting to spend time with her felt decadent. Fun! I got to change a poop and hang out with her on her playmat.
So far, success.

There's this struggle with two children that I knew was coming, but wasn't sure how it would manifest itself. It's evolved into a kind of a two-headed monster.

1. I feel badly for O, because when I need to deal with G, he seems disappointed. I know he is not getting the time and attention that he is used to having. We try to involve him in everything, but sometimes you just have to help the baby and put him off. He's been great...a really good boy about it all.
   
2. I feel badly for G, because I know deep down she is never going to get the amount of time and attention that O got in his first 3 1/2 years. This makes me feel better about O but worse about G. And she is so happy. I don't know how I walk out the door tomorrow and leave that face.
   

It seems as if I don't know how to categorize my guilt, doesn't it?

It's also new territory for me. I am an only child. I never "got" the sibling thing. C has a much better life reference than I do, with an older brother and a younger sister. He jokes with his parents about having too few baby pictures of himself, and I think he is quite conscious of "second child" behaviors. Meaning, being the second one himself, he is somehow driven to always make her feel special.

Although this is slightly different since now we have the prince and the princess...the first grandchildren on both sides of the family. Different than two of the same sex, I would imagine.

I'm off to attempt to stave off my mental anguish by doing more chores.

The timing just hit me

I'm returning to work right before Mother's Day.
Oh God, that sucks. I think. (Could it be a good thing?)

I just have a feeling that it's going to be a tough week emotionally.
Wish me luck.

Renovation: We own a dining room table

So what do you think of that. Does this make us official adults?

We used to have something we would call the dining room in the last iteration of our home...that we never used as a dining room. It kind of became a playroom for O, with sliders out to the (now defunct) back deck.

In the new dining room, with french doors out to the back (yes, that was a necessary upgrade in our estimation), we have recently added a table that can officially be called a "dining room table". Not just a dining table...many things can serve that purpose. But something that looks like it's designated for dining, not just eating.

It's a cool table, procured from the ABC Carpet Warehouse in da Bronx. Love that place...sign up for their email alerts for sales, you are a FOOL if you live in this area and do not. Seriously. It's like not knowing when the Barneys Warehouse sales happen. Sinful.

My dad (can he be any more helpful, hello) and C took my dad's giant SUV to pick it up today and we christened it with a snack for all when they got it here. It's actually got two leaves that fold up onto the table when it's closed (can fit 6 snugly), so you would be eating on the backs of the leaves when it's open. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I feel terribly grown up. I think we can start hanging art and pictures now. Yay.

Returning to Work, Part III: Sinking in

Okay, so I'm dwelling on it.

It is so nice to watch G as she changes and grows every day...every day we swear she is bigger...and see O off to school, playing tennis, doing his thing with his pals. I am going to miss being at home.

I explained to O that I was going to have to go to work again next week. "Why?" was his pleading, whining tone (kind of like mine in my head, as I write this, admittedly).

"Well, the same reason I've always had to work, honey. I have to work to help pay for our house and things we like to do together, and it's just part of life. Things haven't changed from before, except now you'll have G to stay home with you and J. I'll still bring you to school twice a week, just like always."

"Okay. Will Daddy stay home?"

"No, Daddy has to work too."

"Okay."

He seems to take it well. He is used to the situation, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal; I suppose we have all gotten used to me being around the last handful of months, though. He likes when I come to watch him play and I can eat lunch with him or help him get dressed in the morning, or something silly like when he makes me a strawberry-orange pie with his Play-Doh. Me too.

And then I explain it to G on her changing table this morning, which is much easier since she doesn't speak yet. She just smiles at me with a coo and a giggle and somehow I feel like it's ok because she's female and she understands already. "It's okay Mama, I know it's hard." I know that makes no sense, but I just wonder if she is going to be an old soul like O is.

I'm starting to reach out to work, ask them to include me on things so I am not clueless upon my return. How does my boss want me to enter back into projects, do I have anything new on my plate...are all my responsibilities the same? I am curious to find out, honestly. Hopefully we'll speak this afternoon, but the day is going fast. Time is a-ticking, as I can constantly hear in my head.

On the home side, I want to be really organized, too--which is difficult as we still try to string together the bits of our living space post-renovation. I think that will help me do everything I need to do every day...things I want to make sure I do, like picking out clothes for both of them, taking care of anything necessary for his school, making breakfast, making dinner. I like to cook; so does C. We take out maybe once a week, and once G gets a little bigger, I am sure we will start going out to eat again. We are attempting a brunch this weekend (with friends and their family). Wish us luck.

I would have to work even if we didn't do the renovation. This makes it a bit less flexible since it will increase our monthly payments quite a bit, but if I'm in that situation regardless, I am glad we at least are going to be happy with what we are paying for.

Happy Friday, all--I am certain they will become infinitely more important again, starting next week.

G: 2+ month check-up

Wow. 10 lbs, 13 1/2 ounces. 22 1/2 inches.

I know that's not that big for some people but having had Oscar with so many weight gain issues, it is a joy to have a baby that is gaining weight exactly as expected and on track. She is doing great. Hooray.

First vaccinations today (three). Big screams on impact, but quieted down quickly. Slept a lot. Good baby.

O: Vocabulary

datteries: (dat•er•ees) O was in the car with me this morning and kept trying to say that he needed to put batteries in one of the toys in his room. Dad almost always handles battery management. He was speaking quickly, mangling "Daddy" with "battery".

I am going to ask Daddy, "Can you put some datteries in my fire truck train?"

Sometimes I think his brain is in a higher gear than his mouth can function with.

Questions of the Week

Not necessarily a weekly feature, but some items have presented themselves that warrant comment. This week, a television theme.

1. Why is Bret Michaels (of Poison fame, for those not in the know) essentially doing karaoke on that show "Don't Forget the Lyrics"? Didn't he already share a bit too much of himself on "Rock of Love"? And secondly, why is his hair so freaky...oh wait, I know, I know..."the finest European hair extensions money can buy."
2. Why do people like that pair of fools from "The Hills" get to go to the White House Correspondents' Dinner? This is supposed to be for journalists that cover the president. Now it's all about the Hollywood guest list. (If you can even call these characters--yes that is what they are, characters--Hollywood. I should note that I have never actually watched an episode of "The Hills." I have watched plenty of "Rock of Love," however.) On a side note, the keynote speaker from our college graduation, Ann Compton, is actually the president of the WHC Association. Hmm.
3. Why did Tom Cruise really need to go on Oprah again? And why did it have to be a big ol' field trip? Don't we all know already how sickeningly rich the two of them are? Ick. He freaks me out.

The microphone is open for any compelling answers. Discuss.